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As I did some more research I came across a lot of great resources and online communities for hapas, including hapavoice.com, a hapa Facebook group and a Hawaiian musical group called HAPA that consists of a guy who is from the South Pacific and a guy from New Jersey.

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“If the sober person is in early recovery or if the drinker is a problem drinker, the chances for a good dating experience are dim.Though most people won’t wait two years into sobriety to start dating, keep in mind that the smell of alcohol, the taste of a kiss [with someone who’s been drinking], the clinking of ice in the glass, as well as the bar and the bar scene could be triggers.”Irene Carroll, a North Carolina–based addiction therapist, says, “Dating is just so risky for people in early in recovery, especially so if you’re considering going out with someone who isn’t sober. ” Naturally, when going out with someone who drinks, sober people often wonder when and how to reveal the fact that they don’t drink.Right after the waiter asks for your order isn’t a bad option. ” This question almost always cuts off, either because the guy can’t bring himself to say the words, or because I cut him off, not wanting to watch him grapple. And I am, and have been for over 12 years—ever since going to rehab after a coke habit turned serious enough to keep me holed up alone for days at a time. ” or “But you’re not, like, in AA or something, are you?Or even when your suitor is scanning the wine list and asking if you’d prefer red or white. Dating While Sober can be a hassle, annoyance, or even a burden. and New York—the two cities where I’ve dated since quitting—know what “I’m sober” means. ” with a look as if I just revealed I spend my evenings with Tom Cruise awaiting a space transport to Xenu.12Step Match is the ORIGINAL Recovery Dating Web Site for Sober Men and Women Online to come for Sober Dates, Love or Friends and Support and to search within your own 12 Step Program of Recovery.Whether it be AA Singles, NA Singles, Al-Anon Singles, GA, OA…Carroll offers, “Most alcoholics know places that don’t serve liquor—coffeehouses, museums.

So, at the age of 38, single for the first time since I was 25, I was newly sober, heartbroken, and absolutely befuddled.This meant that I was relying on alcohol as a potion to ease my social anxieties.Truthfully, drinking was my go-to “get to know you” date activity. More often than not, it makes me feel insecure and nervous.I’m essentially exposing myself to another human being and asking him to please like what he sees.I get anxious about whether he wants to perhaps start a relationship with me, maybe spend the rest of our lives together, father my children, and then…wait, am I getting totally ahead of myself? In any case, I found that alcohol helped with the daunting dating game.